you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
