I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
