P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
