ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
