Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
