A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
