I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
