Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
