you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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