I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize