i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
