Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
