mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
