another moral hangover. fuck.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
