I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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