he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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