if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
