he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
