After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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