My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
