I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
