the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
