One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
