Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
