the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
