I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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