why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
