just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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