i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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