we're chasing vodka with high fives
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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