You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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