I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize