I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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