What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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