I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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