I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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