I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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