He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
