She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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