Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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