people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sex in a hospital.. check
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize