Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
