i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
