i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
