i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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