Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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