Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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