I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
