Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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