Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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