That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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