OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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