Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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