she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
