If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
