I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
COCAINE IS GR8
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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