Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
