I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
