The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
