is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A+ Viking dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
