While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
