After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
