New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
