I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
