So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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