u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
