if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
