Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
