I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize