You just made me feel so damn special
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
