Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
