your thong is hanging out like whoa
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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