There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize