I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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