I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
