Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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