Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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