Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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