I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
