Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
