I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
