Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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