Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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