I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
