Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
