jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
