Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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