if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
