So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
