I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am puke
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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