I faked an abortion last night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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