Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
