i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
