i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
