Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
