she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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