That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize