Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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