First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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