I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
