is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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